At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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