Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
