remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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