I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
my poor anus
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
