I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
