Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
