When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
you never un-have a 4some
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
