Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
