I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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