i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
