I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
