just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
