1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
