No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
