I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
