yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
last night I used snow as a chaser
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
