i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
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