omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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