apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
