She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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