the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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