I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
