she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
