Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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