My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
