I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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