is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
