When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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