I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You're a disaster
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