that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
