who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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