It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
