I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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