I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
