This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
