Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Its about making memories worth repressing
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
