I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
