he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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