Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
