I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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