I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
