Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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