I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
