You work out of a Hotel?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
