it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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