i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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