If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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