You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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