i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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