i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You pole danced in your parka.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
sex in a hospital.. check
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
