Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
