I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
