her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
