just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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