Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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