Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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