Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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