3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
